nevaehs story

24/12/2006
^{Xmas eve and i had started bleeding i had phoned my midwife an hospital and was told to go an get checked out. At the hospital they could'nt find a heart beat but you never made that easy for anyone to find the midwife tryed for ages and i was starting to worry it never took this long. the midwife went and got a doctor who came back with the scannner a found the heartb eat straight away but as i was loosing so much blood i would have to say in over night to see how the bleeding goes.}

25/12/2006

<sub>my bleeding had slowed down  and when the doctor did his morning round he said i could go home but i would need to come back for scan soon .

 Sarted bleeding again that night an had to go back to hospital i was told i would b stayin so i was moved to a ward and told i would need to have a scan in the morning.</sub>   

27/12/06

<sub>I was still bleeding bad alday and losing some big clots. At around 5 i started bleeding much more than i had before so i was moved to a room on my own i was only in the room five mins when i reached for my phone and i lost a blood clot that i fort was my babys head coming out i started to crying and calling for a midwife who came in and seen the size of the clot i had lost and said shes sorry but iv lost my baby and that there taking me down to delivery. Down on delivery a doctor came and seen me and told me id be going to heartlands hospital for a c-section and as he was telling me this he put his hand on my bump and said that im getting contractions and that heartland would deal with me better than what solihull could. So i phoned my mom to tell her what was happning and she said she would meet me there.
Heartlands hospital
I was taken to a ward where a doctor chanded my drip and listmy babys heart beat and there it was beating away fine i burst out crying and my mum came in and ask the doctor when im going for a c-section and she said that i didnt need to have one as the babys fine and that they would give me a scan in the morning to see if they could see where i was bleeding from.

28/12/06

All night i was bleeding and having contractions but they were'nt painful or regula i had my drip changed and then i waited to go and have my scan. At around 4 i asked a midwife about my scan and she said she would go and check why i hadnt had my scan yet when she came back she told me that everyone in the scan department had gone home and that she had booked me in for a scan the next morning so i just sat and waited for my mum and dad to come up. When they left i went and had a shower and watched some tv. My contractions were getting stronger but i fell asleep.

29/12/06

It was around 1am when i woke up and couldnt get back to sleep. Then at around 2.30am i could'nt sand the pain so i went and asked for something for the pain and i was given 2 paracetamol and told to lie down for abit longer so i did. I couldnt take the pain anymore and the paracetamol hadnt worked so i went out and asked if there was anything else i could have for the pain and that my pains were every 7 mins and lasting longer than 60seconds the midwife told me that she would come and have alook at me in a moment just to wait on my bed for her. By the time the the midwife came i was in real bad pain and couldnt move she checked my blood  and that was fine but my pulse was still fast but it had been like that for a few days then she checked the babys heart beat and i told her where it normaly was and she couldnt find it there and when she did find it she said the baby was low down but she would doctor up to see me in an hour or so. As soon as she left the room i felt the needed to push and felt like i was going to be sick so i go up and rushed to the toilet and i pulled my trousers down and new my baby was coming i shouted for a midwife and pulled the alarm cord on the wall and to midwifes came running in and i told them that i was pushing and the one went and got a bed and i was being rushed down the ward we stopped at the lift and i couldnt stop my self from pushing anymore and i felt something come out and i put my hand there and felt it and new it wasnt my babys head i told one of the midwifes that something had come out and she looked and siad the baby was breach and that they need to get me to delivery now. 
delivery suite
I was rushed on to delivery there seemed to people everywhere i was taken into a room there was loads of midwives and 2 doctors in there waiting for me i was told i could push and out the baby came and taken on to the bed to be worked on i waited for the cry but there wasnt one and i asked a midwife what sex the baby was she said a girl i just sat there looking at where she lay on the bed i couldnt see her face only her bum i couldnt believe he was a she and the  doctor came over and started telling me that when she was born she had a faint heart beat but made no atempt to breath and even if they bring her round she would be brain damged and that they had done all they could do and i just stopped listening to what he were saying becouse i could see her legs and the one was moving she couldnt be dead she was moving?they made the mistake before they must be making the same mistake again. Soon the room cleared and there was only me the baby and to midwives left and one of them asked if i would like to see her but i couldnt bring myself to look at her  so i said no the midwife picked her up and took her from the room then as soon as she came back i asked if i could see her so she went and got her for me and as she placed her in my arms my mom walked in smiling and i burst out crying i think she new what had happened then and she looked away with tears in her eyes and said no this carnt be happen i just sat stearing at her willing her to open her eyes or let out a cry breath anything to prove the doctors has got it wrong but nothing the midwife came in and touch her away to get her dressed and take some pictures and her foot prints. Then we were moved to eden suite id had always wounderd what this place was now i new. While on there i just sat holding her crying i couldnt believe this was happening the hours flew bye and it was time to leave i couldnt let her go i had to walk out of the hospital past all those expctent mums while my baby lay up stairs and i could leave her so i went back and spent a few more hours with her. then it was time to go i walked out with an empty belly and a broken heart and asking myself why?

Nevaeh you are loved and missed by so many people we were all looking forward to seeing you grow so many dreams i had for you that are now just dreams of you.</sub>